


In my veins ( I cannot get you out )

by Smoakin_dontburnyourself



Category: Shades of Blue (TV)
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Romance, Shades of Blue - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-25 23:40:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6214828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smoakin_dontburnyourself/pseuds/Smoakin_dontburnyourself
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"and I've lost who I am, and I cant understand why my heart is so broken rejecting your love"</p><p> </p><p>series of short fics Stahl/Harlee</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "I need to be ok when this is over"

**Author's Note:**

> I love this pairing so much I die. Anyways this is just a place to post my short fics on these two. A longer fic is in development. Let me know what you thought or of any ideas for new fics!

on the morning that her file was slapped onto his desk Robert Stahl allowed himself to speak her name out-loud into his empty office.

_“Harlee”_

the letters tasted like her mouth would months later. Sweet in a way that made his lips tremble. Vulnerable in a way that she’d never allowed herself to be.

“I need to be ok when this is over” it was a whisper over his lips, smeared with her lipstick and almost close enough to move with her words.

“I-I need you to tell me everything will be ok” He couldn’t promise but his tongue ached to say something that could give her the peace he’d taken away the day they met.

he kissed her again with her fingers tugging at the hairs on the base of his neck as if pulling him further into her gravity. Her scent consumed him and her lips haunted him, stitched him together and tore him to pieces.

A strand of her hair wrapped itself around his desperate fingers and she sighed into his mouth. _you’re so beautiful_ he meant to say, _how are you doing this to me?_ he wanted to plead, but instead he just spoke her name again and again in between kisses and touches.

Soon enough her coat was on his floor, her scent clinging to the fibers of his unsuspecting carpet. His suit jacket followed and her hands touched him everywhere. Her slender fingers spread over his chest so to touch as much as she could manage. His skin tingled under the thin material of his button down almost anticipating the skin on skin contact. It was the last barrier between them, her eyes were warm in the aftermath of could-have-been tears and the depth of her dilated pupils were looking straight through any wall he had the pretense of building.

She was his, at least for the moment and he’d always been hers, save when he pretended to belong to no one.

He kissed down her neck, past where her wire would hang in attention, the tiny stones hiding a bug, the gentle necklace hanging him around her neck. She made sounds that he hoped he could live his life hearing and when he reached the junction between her neck and shoulder she seemed to explode into a fury of popping buttons and broken stitches on his shirt. His blood rushed and her clasp came undone, her body radiated need and his burned to quench it.

The ground disappeared from under her and his fingers splayed over the undersides of her thighs urging her to wrap them around his waist. They gasped in unison when she squeezed and he realized that he couldn’t exist again until he made her his own. Something inside him wondered if he’d ever be able to revert back to the agent with the stoic eyes and the cold lips. In a brief second of air and Harlee taking his earlobe into her mouth, he supposed that maybe the answer was no, that maybe the gentile determination of her gaze would always be reflected in his own and that the warmth of her probing lips had been burned into him.

The thought terrified him but then they had made it to his bed and in an entrancing movement she landed on his bed. Their eyes met, sky and earth, and she was the period to end every sentence that could ever exist. She laughed suddenly,but only because he kissed his way down her stomach, but maybe also because finding someone to want was truly intoxicating, and Robert Stahl’s eyes were the clear blue moonshine of a lifetime.

The sharp edges of his room beheld the curve of her ass and the slope of her lips as a believer would a deity. His lips worshiped her and she believed in a religion composed of the way their bodies moved as one.

He fell into her sunlight and into her darkness. He felt her becoming everything, his downfall and his completion. her eyes were melted pain and his were swirling with torment and each found their home in the broken cracks of what could have been. As the sun set and her dizzy head met with his beating chest, the pain faltered into a spark, a kiss, a murmur, and if only for one night they confused it for ardor.

She slept, and he followed her, the silence interrupted only by their breathing that sighed _I need you._


	2. "I thought of you"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after, Stahl knew about the cameras in his apartment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not all of the chapters will relate to each other but this one kind of does, needless to say I can't stop writing these two ! I have some ideas for a multi-chaper fic, would anyone be interested in reading that? let me know !

“I thought of you” his blue eyes were troubled and in a distant place

he swallowed, almost choking on the confession

“That night, you know, when I-“ he knew he didn’t have to finish, in here eyes there was understanding, and also something else that he couldn’t quite comprehend. Sometimes he felt that way, as if her eyes spoke a language of their own, fluent in their particular dialect of absoluteness.

He’d found the bugs fairly quickly in his apartment

but he’d left them, because he knew her eyes well, their depths and their mistrust and something inside him, however small and naive, thought maybe he’d be the one to convince them.

“I called out your name” _over and over_

Harlee’s breathing was shallow and told him that she hadn’t completely watched the woman with no name give herself to him. He wasn’t sure what she saw or at what angle the cameras caught him unfastening the woman’s bun to fall over her shoulders, or maybe she’d only seen him unzipping her dress.

The truth was that he had tasted the pain of Harlee’s mouth on that of another, he’d pulled and tugged in the darkness of his delirium for the softness of Harlee’s skin and the harshness of her eyes.

he hadn’t found any of it, but _god_ did he look, he searched blindly and hopelessly for something of her and the sounds he’d made were the melody of his fixation with the way her hair curled into itself.

“I searched for you” and he had been, he looked in everything for anything of her and nothing compared to the scent that lingered as a consequence of _her_.

He could feel her watching him and he wondered if she truly understood what her existence meant for him. She’d destroyed him, or at least a part of him, and she’d nursed another part, one that began and ended with her.

Under his pale grey bed sheets he knew there was a possibility that they’d never get past this. He’d always be the FBI agent and she’d always be the crooked detective. He felt it branded onto their skin when they touched and he tasted it sometimes on her neck right under where the clasp of her bugged necklace would betray her.

something innocent and foolish waited for her to tell him that she’d thought of him too, that she’d confused him for someone else in the darkness of her circumstances, but she didn’t and he’d heard her through the clear wire of her bug call out for another man, one that didn’t have a cold grip on her choices.

In another world maybe he could’ve been the man that gave her peace

“Will it ever end?” he didn’t answer, mostly because he had no answer for her. Instead he kissed her again allowing her to exhale her affliction into his mouth.

He licked it off her lips and swallowed it whole

“ _I thought of you_ ” he wanted to remind her so he spoke it onto the tops of her breasts

_only you_

_I think of you_

_always, without reason and without a single drop of sanity_.

Her fingers gripped onto the tops of his arms and maybe in that moment with their eyes probing, he could’ve confided something to her smeared lips,

but their ears were far too modest and tainted for their hearts to understand what was buried inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drop me a comment on what you thought !

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this quickly after watching the promo for 1x10 (THE KISS)  
> I can't wait to watch it, though I will be at work when it airs :( 
> 
>  
> 
> more writing to come !


End file.
